I was talking to a long time friend recently and we both commented on an article we had both somehow come across about the mid to late twenties being a “strange” time for many people. Quarter life crisis is apparently more than just a term. We both agreed. I have never been so sure of what I want, yet so afraid of it at the same time. So ready to make changes, like all the people my age are, yet worried that I am not ready enough. I am not sure that questioning and second guessing myself through every.damn.decision is a sign of anything, let alone of one of growth. All I know is that I can’t wait for it to pass , I really can’t.
I feel like I am walking on water 80% of the time and as exhilarating as that sounds, I don’t like it so much.
Soooo.. when I am not working, consulting (cheecck me out!), hanging out with real people, I am more than likely on the internet on my phone. I love my six month old phone because it is world’s apart from my transition phone which might as well have been a Nokla. aaaanyway my opera mini speed dial’s have remained mostly unchanged and I thought I would share the more consistent ones with you.
I looove this blog but the thing that separates this blog from many other black relationship blogs is that the comment section is just as funny/interesting/thought provoking as the actual posts. In fact some times the comment section surpasses the quality of the posts. I love both bloggers lots but I enjoy the writing style of Damon ‘the champ’ Young a lot more. It’s a well written blog and even when I don’t agree I don’t feel like a contrary opinion must yield a war. This Voltaire’istic world sometimes crushes and commentors go IN on someone but I like it all the same :)
This one is a disappointment because she posts every month or something (haa haa..pot kettle, black). She used to post more often but I guess she has a real life to attend to. I like that she is plus size and manages to look sooo good most of the time (she has some massive fail moments in my book) and gives good ideas for clothes shopping while chunkyyy :) I like. I likes it a lot.
I looove this tumblr sooo much!!! she puts up such amazingly deep quotes and things and her layout is simple and easy to keep up with.. I don’t check it daily though.. just so that when I go check I have LOTS to catch up on. When I first saw this tumblr blog I fell in love immediately. It says those things I can’t phrase.
This is a natural hair blog by two very pretty Kenyan girls. I must admit I only just added it to my speed dial because I mostly used to refer to Nikki Mae on youtube for all my natural hair woes but it just wasn’t working for me very well. Recently I started using the tips on curly kichana and my friends RESULTS!! my very natural hair is soo soft and easy to detangle and curllyyy and has boddyy.. I am convinced it will start to grow much better now. I think its mostly because their suggestions for products are realistic to my very un-black friendly city and the routines they suggest are so simple. I looove this blog a lot sana!
This one gets me because of how painfully honest Shuhi (the writer) is. I read her stuff and the things she blogs about and I am awed. I am trying to work my way to writing more honest things and this is one of the blogs that makes me think it’s possible to share without oversharing.
This is one of my close friend’s blog. She writes about everyyything and I love how she can tell a story about herself and still keep so much hidden. She also has really cool musical taste so I look forward to Friday to see what she is listening to. I also looooove her blog roll to death! Her blogroll is how I found the next blog :) and craftgawker and … and… just go see for yourself :)
I first found Angel on her old home memyselfandisis.wordpress.com which was soooo funny!!! I remember I used to read it concurrently with hyperbole and a half to see who had a funnier post on the day. She later moved to this blog “that Angel girl” which is so aptly named because it’s what I would call her if I was the hater I used to be :) It is a OOTD (outfit of the day) type blog and she has clothes, shoes and bags for daayss :) I go on there every other day also so I can have a few more posts to catch up on. Also, she seems like she is genuinely nice.
I love this Harvard Business Review blogs because I can read about smarty pant things written about so interestingly. Also, I learn soo much and I have gained such insights into the work world from it.
and it’s a wrap! I hope you enjoy these sites!!!!
No, I don’t have my fb and twitter on my speed dial.. I have an app for that :D
First, I’ll say it. I have NO idea what stories these were I was referring to..so either I am a liar (I’m not) or they weren’t as amazing as I made them out to be (I’m sure they were) either way… they are gone from my mind. forgive me? Oh, but I did miss my sister’s wedding… I cried for three days ( that crying for being dumped/cheated on..aki!) . Buuuut my amazinnngg friend carried his laptop and Skyped me in!! He remains the most amazing non-family guy I know. as in he carried the laptop round for me to speak to my sister and my new brother .. and my folks and siblings.. and distant cousins.. I still get so mushed thinking about it. Funny thing is when I ask this dude if he loves me ( because I am neeedy..lol) he lengas my vibes kabisa..haahaa..but his actions are loud, very very loud :)
Secondly, how amazing are people to comment years after I lasted posted? how kind are people? thanks maaan!!!
These last few months have been so up and down. I have gotten to make great friends but I have lost some in the process, I have been my most happy and my most sad, I have trusted God and distrusted him with equal measure plus I landed my first completely solo project which has me excited and angsty all at once :)
I went to Stonehenge yesterday for the first time since I moved/came to this country two years ago and it was so cool. Granted, its just a bunch of stones (history bla bla bla)..and they are roped off O_o (wazungu!!!!) but it was insane to see the way people seemed to revere those rocks. It was almost surreal even. I gather some people even have some religious ceremony they perform there. Personally, I think | would be a bit disenfranchised if my hope was in a rock.. but that’s an argument for another day.
Speaking of wazungu.. how amazing are they? Someone (a very hot workmate) actually went like ‘woah woah woah..how hot are you?’ because I braided my hair. As in braids.. simple kawa braids. heh! I was very jazzed. That said I miss Kenyan men. You really underestimate the value of someone ‘getting you’. I have always said that was a terrible reason to be with someone but being here I see myself getting why people go abroad and in a sea of white people come home with another ‘Njuguna’ or ‘Otieno’. As in I get it kabisa.
And because obviously I had nothing to write about I think I need to just stop there.. I will stop there before I chase you completely..
as always, I promise to do better :) Though I am also cheating on you with pinterest.. obsessssseeedd!!!!
I don’t believe the madness that is my life right now. As in I know life isn’t meant to be easy but surely surely its not meant to be this hard, yes?
Unrequited love-ni mimi
“I’m sorry but you are overqualified for this role”- yes, me as well
“I’m sorry you do not have the skills we are looking for”)- *raises hand* me? Of cos!
And now as I’ve been waiting for something for over two months…my uni has been sitting on it FOR A WHOLE FREAKING MONTH!!! Yesterday I was all kinds of angry and wanted to curse someone out…in all honesty I’m still very peeved!! I want to write those complaint letters that become viral with people crowding around office screens baying for the blood of those careless people at my ex uni. I’m very mad. Very very mad. Thing is I’m still aware I’m a Christian. And I just thought up a great business plan ya? You know all those wwjd rubber bracelets that were all the rage some years ago? I would collect them(coz no one wears theirs anymore) theeen I would come up with a bracelet for each situation(which would be engraved on the inside…no need to share your crazy with the world) and for that situation I would write a little DIY book of what Jesus would do, illustrations and bible verses included. It would be like an emotional devotional(patent pending..do not steal!! WWJD!) I know this is a great idea because I need this devotional right now. Like.right.now.
I hope this anger does not last… And I hope I manage to sort out this mess I didn’t make (preparation for motherhood, anyone?) And that this anger is replaced by peace soon..
Aki if i miss my sister’s wedding because of these idiots!!!!!!! ( yes, I’m angry)
Also, because I am a good citizen of the world, regardless of how this goes I will write a long but polite complaint letter to the bosses boss of whoever caused this. And then if I receive no word back in two days, to the university VC (lols) and finally escalate to the higher education body here…or the queen… Whoever can deal with it fastest… Loool..
Anyway my two readers (ps thanks for checking on me while I was not writing) please spare a prayer to Jesus for me. Ask him to show me what he would do..
If He speaks to You about this, please be an angel and use the comment section(seee what I did there?)
Here is hoping I’ll be back here with some good news tomorrow (which reminds me, I have storiiies for you..tbc…)
I should have put this post up on the first of November.. but yeah… my writing habits suck!!
I AM DONE WITH MY MASTERS!!!! and God did amazing work for me in the background in relation to my grades.. I am still trying to get over that high :) I am very very happy and grateful… I really really am :)
This is just a catch up post :) now the job hunt begins… and in the process I have made some resolutions concerning love and things ( yes I am ALWAYS talking about love ) :)
thank you for the virtual support guys.. xx
my heart is like the part in the Kirk song where he says “instead of happiness I’ll have joy”
“As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17)
I have this friend. We don’t talk often but we are close friends. We have that friendship where even months of silence can’t kill our friendship. She knows a lot about me and I know I can tell her anything and feel secure in knowing she will be straight with me and me with her. Recently we had a conversation about working so hard and having someone ‘steal your shine’ and I realised it was almost a non issue for her while for me it irks me to no end. I hate doing something and having someone else have to take the praise for it, but never the responsibility if things don’t go as planned.
For her as long as she does the work well and the aim is reached she doesn’t mind who gets the accolades. At least not as much as I do. I have never even really thought it was a problem to want to be acknowledged so bad ..haa haa.. anyway I guess in the span of some minutes she had me wanting to be a little less bothered by not receiving praise even when I was totally convinced I deserved it.Iron sharpening iron.
I had asked this friend once to mentor me and today it came back to me why I did.
I wish a friendship like this on everyone I know….
p.s thanks for all the hits even when I wasn’t writing :) hee hee..
I watched this video and cried like a baby….its so so sad that life has been so hard on him he doesn’t even realize just how special he really is… please watch
I just want to spend the rest of my life giving this poor boy a hug. because if there was anyone that ever needed and deserved a hug..its this guy.. that said, the sun IS shining his way now..happy endings and things :) *\o/* pom pom hurray :)
Last week was really good and then it got really bad really fast ..with what felt like my world tumbling down around me..
I woke up one day and I literally had no strength to move my arms to wipe away the tears..so I am grateful that its the past..that the moment of sadness and disconnect and anger will pass too..
today I decided that I will be joyful..not happy..but joyful..to have an attitude of thankfulness and realization that however bad it feels and however low it gets it COULD be worse. I am trusting that the plan is bigger than me,
that one day I will wake up and the smile will get to my eyes..
As melancholic and sombre as these thoughts sound..today is a blissfully good day and I have committed to joy. the alternative is way too heavy to keep carrying. Here is what helped me get to this place:
– heard these lyrics in a song “we pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering…… all the while, you hear each broken need, but love is way too much to give us lesser things”
Realizing that what I think I ‘deserve’, what I am ‘entitled to’ ,what I ‘need’ could be woefully broken in God’s eyes wakes me up to the fact that He does want the best for me.. It doesn’t always feel that way and many times we/I throw my/our hands up in defeat but a trust that He does love truly and there is a method to what feels like madness gives me peace.
this is not by any standards a grand realization but it is enough..because it is exactly what I need…
I have witnessed a lot of sadness on the interwebs (facebook notes, blogposts, tweets..etc) in the last few days and I just think you should know someone is praying for you..it WILL get better!!
I have been meaning to get the three books in the ‘conversations with God’ series but meaning to and actually getting them….
anyway I was reading an excerpt about how the books actually came about. The author (Neale Donald Walsh) was going through a period in his life that was painful and like most Christians do, he questioned God. The books are a transcription of the conversations he had with God because he would find when he asked God a question, God would answer and he would write that answer down.
I have been at a place where I feel like I need a one on one with God…just a space where no platitudes exist in the form of other well meaning Christians but God and honesty.
I don’t understand God a lot of the time and that song ‘I just can’t give up now..’ by Mary Mary..I have seen it not play out in that way many times…
I know I should trust and I know faith is tested in dark places and sometimes the fire is what makes us but today I want to know why.
I am sorry not to end this post with positivity or some great grain of wisdom but I haven’t learnt from this situation yet so forgive me while I wallow… I am a baby about disappointment. but if anything comes of it even years from today I will update the post..
also, I can’t answer any questions…I just needed to vent :)
update: I promised an update if the situation changed…well the situation hasn’t but my heart has. Ecclesiastes 3:11 promises “He makes all things beautiful, in HIS time” trust is my only responsibility…. so yes, I am in a much better place..feelings will come and go and change but God’s love, there is something you can rely on to be constant and never changing:)